Well, apparently life flies by pretty fast. I had the wrong meet as my reference point (NCAA instead of Pac 12’s), so what I thought had been 8 weeks was really 11. 😬 So that makes this week Scan week. 😳 Many thanks to my incredible TEAM of doctors, I went from not knowing to having a blood test, scans and Dr appointment all within an hour.
On the positive side, I found a way around a week or more of anxiety. If you don’t know when it is until 2 days before, you don’t worry about it nearly as much. 😊 (yes, I like emojis if you can see them)
But I am within those days now. I’ve been having a non-stop conversation of thought in my head. Questions, followed by my “answers”. I seem to have a pretty good answer to every concern so far, but the one that remains isn’t really a question, so there really isn’t an “answer” to be given. It’s the fact that we just don’t know. I truly believe that I am still good at this point, but I also know there’s a chance. All of the feelings and symptoms I remember from before were from a pretty advanced stage. My guess is that since this treatment has worked so well for me and gotten rid of the majority of locations it had spread, that I won’t feel any symptoms before it shows up on the scan. Because of my read on it, I tend to put a little more worry about the results. I’ve imagined the situation in my head many times. If the time is to come that the scan reveals growth, hearing the news, and all while still feeling great and on a regular schedule. Which is an idea, I think I am going to plan how I hear that news now, just so I am in control of something in that process.
So now I sit in the waiting room to get my first blood test done in like 11 weeks, and wait for my scan tomorrow. Now is when the mind spins, and just as well as I was able to put it out of my mind during the previous 11 weeks, I am now not able to get it off my mind. I work to relax, it’s been a great time to be back on a schedule of swimming, but the end result doesn’t have it off my mind at all. Positive thing is that it’s only a couple days of this and then we get the results.
As K puts it, it’s just feedback. If it’s time for the next step of the journey, then that’s the way it goes. And if cancer thinks that I am going to give in, it doesn’t know me very well. And, thanks to the incredible researchers, developers, and everyone involved in fighting cancer, we have more possibilities than ever before to fight this thing. While I would much rather avoid it, just as I have said before, I will fight for every day I get to live my life and love my family.
Thanks for “listening” to my state of mind, and I’ll be in touch in a couple days.