Overall a good weekend of rest. I really don’t have much to report, other than maybe just the concept of rest and recovery and how it catches me off guard almost every time. I guess it’s just my optimistic and hopeful self that thinks every time I get a chance to rest and recover, because I know I am to the point of needing it, I always think it’s going to be this great thing and a straight line to feeling better. When, in reality, I have never really had that be the case. Okay, this time I have a legitimate reason it may not have been a straight line, but even those times I push too much in coaching, etc and think I’ll just rest and I’ll feel better in no time. Really that slow down helps my body to recover, yes, but it doesn’t always mean you’ll feel better right away. K and I refer to it as a crash. We’d been pushing through to get whatever it is done to our standards, and then it’s like our bodies go, “oh, we stopping now? Cause this is how I really feel”, and down I go. Which too often leads to the mind spinning out of control.
I’ve been working on all of that for years now, and I think I am much better overall. But sometimes things just aren’t great, and we still need to find a way through. Being home is awesome, and I don’t know what I would do without K by my side. But it’s also allowed me to relax more. Which, as I stated above, is great, but also leads to that let down in the process. I was no longer in the hospital getting myself up for whatever came next to get myself stronger. I can just relax and my body both appreciates it and hates it at the same time.
Then the mind starts chirping in. “Hey, what about that scan last Thursday? What do you think it says? Is there more to battle or are we now aware of the main cancer and the localized spread?” It’s not the same as the first time around for sure. I remind myself of TEAM that I have behind me and the options to attack this thing that I am lucky enough to have available now, but it’s hard to ignore it as you sit around recovering.
All that aside, we take the first steps in fighting this tomorrow. I go back to my old oncologist to talk things through, and then hopefully get a chance to meet with the gastric cancer specialists as well. We will take the no stones unturned approach as much as possible, we’ll just do it a little faster this time around I believe. Experience does come in handy I guess, I just wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
So, I will continue to rest, recover, and be ready to fight when the time comes. No doubt a long road ahead, but with my hope fully intact, I am ready to fight this with everything I have in me and believe I can win!
Thank you TEAMjeff! You help more than you could possibly know.