As I look to recover today and start treatment tomorrow, I’m reminded, once again, of a lesson I am failing to remember. It’s really not a question as to why I am failing to keep it in mind, but still makes it rough at times.
The bottom line is I have a mentality that I believe I can accomplish anything I put my mind to and truly go after. It’s something that has served me well throughout my life as an athlete and coach, and a big piece of my mentality even when it comes to my cancer battles. Regardless of the small percentages that you are looking at, the bottom line is that someone needs to be that percentage and I very rarely see reason why it can’t be me.
That’s when you go to work of the process of hope, build that process, and keep adjusting until you have the results that you wanted. That piece of it is awesome. The downside is that I am not always great at allowing myself the time that might be needed. A prime example has come over the last week. I know I need to recover and I understand just what I am going through, but I still don’t always give myself the empathy and understanding (meaning time) needed to get it done. For the last week I have been itching to get back on deck. I’ve been writing more workouts and getting more done overall, but I have wanted to go in and really have felt like “I should be able to.” Which by the way, those expectations of things we don’t have control over, is where I get myself in trouble a lot. So over the last week it’s been a series of my mind thinking, “it’s been long enough”, “time to get back on deck, at least to say hi and see everyone”, “just push through, it’s not like you are doing much else”, etc. Yes, I know, not quite the supportive voice I would hope for either at times. And trust me that my body doesn’t care at all what my mind thinks in these cases. Take today for instance, I was planning all day to go in. My group isn’t even in the water, but just to go in, get a couple quick things done, say hi to coaches, watch the other groups a bit, and then head home. It seemed a perfect plan, until it was like 30 minutes before we were to leave and I find myself wiped out from trying to be productive working from home the entire day. (Exciting to have entered a meet for the first time in like 8 months though)
So, it becomes this mixture of frustrations; in myself for not being able to do it. in myself for not planning the day better and getting rest earlier because I should understand that I need it, of this all taking too long to get to the next stage, and so on.
In the end, we (I for sure) need to remember that we don’t control the timing of the results. My belief in myself remains, but I need to remember that I don’t control when things will happen. I need to push, learn, adjust, push some more, rest, and do it all again. The results, whether it be kicking cancers butt or just a step like getting back on deck, will come when I do my best at working my process, not just when I expect it to. You’d think that would be one I would remember, given it’s a lesson I try to teach the swimmers every season it seems, but then I guess it’s just one of those that will continuously be tested when you are driven and believe in yourself.
Breathe in, breathe out, move on… It wasn’t to be today. I stayed home and did what I needed for myself and to be ready for tomorrow, but rest assured I will learn, both to be more understanding of where I am but also to plan for what I want.
On another side, I was honored to be invited to be a part of the San Gabriel Valley Master Key podcast, and to share my personal journey through lung cancer (was not aware of the scope of my current health issues at the time) and my professional journey of building Rose Bowl Aquatics to the TEAM it is today.
Some links if you want to take a look or listen:
- You can find the show (SGV Master Key Podcast) on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Google Podcasts.
- iHeartRADIO: https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-sgv-master-key-podcast-72386652/episode/jeff-julian-the-power-of-72407325/
- SGV Master Key official website: https://www.sgvmasterkey.com/
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIrIxZiWiqM
They are all from the same podcast, just take your pick of what is easiest for you.
As always, thanks for being there TEAMjeff, we go on the offensive for the first time in the fight tomorrow!