There’s no other way to do it but to get right to it. If you haven’t seen through social media or heard otherwise, my most recent CT scan came back NED (no evidence of disease). It was actually shocking to read. I was expecting a good report, as I have only been feeling better and better, but to see the report be the cleanest I have ever seen throughout this entire journey, it floored me. My hands shaking just trying to read the rest of the report. Yes, I skipped forward to the summary first, as it is usually a little easier to read than the medical details of the report itself, but this one was pretty easy the entire read. It turns out it’s really easy to read “clean” on these reports.
What does that mean now? Well, to be honest, I don’t quite know. My doctor was on vacation that week and I am content just living my life. My guess is we will continue immunotherapy for a while and probably need an upper endoscopy and maybe a colonoscopy to check things out a little more, but otherwise I appear to be as healthy as ever.
It’s all still a bit crazy to me. I read that report over 2 weeks ago now, and I think I am still processing it. Celebrating above all else of course, but there’s really this crazy range of emotions and feelings that go along with it. Relief from having this hanging over your head all the time. That was a weird one, as I felt it physically in my shoulders and arms as things just seemed to “let go”. Then there’s what I can only compare to as survivors’ guilt. Twice now I’ve stared having a year left and now twice seeming to get a new lease on life that so few get in my situation. It’s humbling when you allow yourself to process it that way. Being able to allow yourself to see into the future just a little bit further than you’ve been allowing yourself during this process. That light now shines a little longer into the future. The joy of being here with my family and getting to see my pride and joy do his thing. Getting to be in awe of Trenton’s process, his drive, and his ability to handle anything and everything that is thrown at him… and to be better for it. Being able to plan a future with K, for us. Knowing what’s important, what we have to offer, and making sure the focus is on our own wellness in the process.
No doubt if I thought I bit longer I could share some of the other emotional journeys I have been on since this news, but in the end it all circles back to feeling blessed in my life and to have the incredible people around me that I am lucky enough to have in my life. Then have TEAMjeff behind me once again in this journey and keeping me going in the toughest of times, which there were definitely some of those on this journey over the past 8 months.
So, with a huge smile on my face, a heart full of happiness and love, and a feeling of gratefulness that I will never be able to accurately describe, I share this news and thank all of you for being a part of my journey, supporting me, sending positive vibes and prayers, and every little thing that has meant so much to me. For now, it appears, We Did It!